did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
