Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
third nipple confirmed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
