You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
