When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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