It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
