Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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