Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
