Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
