hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
