I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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