i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
