he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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