when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Never joke about your clitoris.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
