Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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