The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
