You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
