If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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