And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
