Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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