I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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