So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
