fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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