I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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