Small penises have feelings too.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
