Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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