This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
