Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
