there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
