He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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