I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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