Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
