Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
