I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
