is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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