Pappa wants mamma naked
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
