Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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