the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
