So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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