level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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