her vagina looked like bernie madoff
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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