were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
