It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
