Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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