Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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