He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
