Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
