i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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