You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
