those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
