i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
