Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
