I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
