there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i would punch a child for taco bell
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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