How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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