OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
