How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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