i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
